America's Getting Fatter, but we're working on it!

Fat people have been in the news lately due to the sudden death of San Francisco 49ers lineman Thomas Herrion earlier this summer. Herrion's gross size got the better of him when he dropped dead in the locker room after a preseason game. A freak occurence?

According to NFL Players Association president Troy Vincent, obesity has become epidemic in the NFL. The average weight of an NFL lineman on the Green Bay Packers in 1966 was 244 lbs. The 2005 Buffalo Bills lineman average 327 lbs and is typical for the league. Thats an 83 pound increase on average.
Vincent concedes, "We are a bigger nation, I understand... But we need to look at the long-term health effects for our players."

Indeed, we are a bigger nation. The Center for disease Control states that between 1985 and 2003 there was at least a 15% increase in obesity in every state. Most states saw at least a 20% increase and 4 states saw 25% or greater. The least fat states seem to be in the Northeast and the Mountain States. Surprisingly, Californians, who proclaim to be so healthy, are getting fatter as fast as the Southern States. All this in spite of the Atkins and South Beach crazes and the obsession with lo-fat, no-fat, non-fat flavor free junk food. To think of the time we wasted trying to count carbs on our 4th trip back to the all you can eat buffet table!

Read the original article at the Rochester Domocrat and Cronicle...

Pissah!

Imagine: it is sometime in the Future(ooh) and everyone has their own rocket-pack, hovercraft, and pet dinosaur and the world runs on free power - PEEPOWER!

Scientists at the Institute of Bioengineering and Nanotechnology in Singapore have developed small urine-activated batteries that can fit in your wallet and be used in test kits.

But why should it stop there? Soon our liquid waste will be used to power lamps, TVs, refrigerators - your whole house, neighborhood, city! We'll be able to literally piss our electric bill away!

No news on a fecal-phone though - there's something I think those busy little Singapore scientists should be working on next.

Still, something about briny urine and electricity doesn't strike me as a safe combination.

Pee-ruse the story here

You can lick your wounds, and you can lick your friends...

34 year old Scott Reed, an innovative football coach at Central Linn High School near Eugene, Oregon, introduced an alternative approach to first aid on the field when he began licking the wounds of his injured players. Now I know, it sounds a little "kooky", but when you think about it, animals in the wild lick their wounds all the time... and when you think about it a little more, you realize that animals also lick their assholes ...and their friends assholes ...heck, my dog will lick the asshole of every dog he met if he had a chance.

OK, so maybe that is a bad example. But isn't it time that our public schools taught alternate first aid theories side by side with those accepted by the scientific community? Here at the Picayune, we say let the kids decide for themselves!

Lick up this important news item at MSNBC