False Advertising

So you're at a bar in Phuket, Thailand and you're just hanging loose, maybe just got off the plane and are hanging out at one of the nightclubs. Then some hot Thai girl comes all rubbing up to you with all that "Ooh, I ruv amelican men" and she buys you a drink. You're thinking: "Man, these folks are downright friendly!" And she keeps touching your arm or shoulder, laughs at your jokes, and throws her long beautiful hair around. Maybe you buy her a drink this time and she comes in close to thank you.

Now you're thinking: "Either these people have some strange tastes in men or this friendly lady is a hooker." So you back away with apologies, muttering about no money and a pretend girlfriendall in the same breath.

She is almost offended by your suggestion and shakes her head with a laugh. "No money," she confirms and caresses your hair with her hand. "I ruv amelican men."

Not being one to question another cultures beliefs or practices you spend a few minutes of pretty serious spit-swapping and aggressive groping you suggest perhaps retiring to your room. You have learned her name by now but instantly forgotten except it had a lot of vowels. Aygago or something.

She is all over you in the elevator and sticks her tongue so far down your throat you think you swallow a cavity and when she pulls back she is smiling wickedly. "Oh, you never forget me, big man." Her dark almond eyes twinkle, her sweet pink lips glistens and long silken-black hair sways softly like palms in the breeze.

Things are looking good here in Thailand. You had heard about the sexual escapades in this area of the world and were delighted to view a few of the local places but never had you thought that you would have been going back to your room with such a beautiful girl. At least without paying money.

It is perhaps the first time you put this altogether and as you make your way from the elevator to your room it begins to dawn on your that this doesn;t seem right but then stumble a little and you forget about it. But the nice Thai girl, Gungugo, is helping you now, pulling you even. Actually, she's kind of strong for a girl her size you note as she takes your door key from you and unlocks the door.

You can barely stand at this point and are not so sure when you got so drunk, luckily Gagooogoo is here to help you onto the bed. And isn't that nice, she's taking your shoes off and your jacket and your pants and your Rolex and your wallet and your cell phone and your laptop and then everything goes gray.

When you wake the next morning there is only one reason that finding yourself stark naked on the bed with a splitting headache and finding everything you have - from your socks to the hotel soap - has been stolen is the bad news.
The good news is your ass doesn't hurt.

Apparently a number of male tourist are experiencing this very scenario in such friendly hamlets like Phuket and police have arrested three "ladyboys" who confessed to slipping men sedatives hidden under their tongues in order to rob them.

This is not the first time such a practice has been used. A gang of transvestites in another village used strong sedatives on their nipples to drug unsuspecting men and rob them.

It is amazing that we have had to invent firearms at all.

A-ha! You kissed a guy!