Five for flinching

He was turning 31 and the friends of trucker Keith Lowry thought to celebrate this momentous occasion in a true trucker tradition: pay three strippers $25 to restrain him and spank him with a paddle.

Unfortunately, Mr. Lowry is a bit of a pansy and after the incident left him with severe bruising on his gluteus maximus, he had the offending strippers and their manager arrested by police for misdemeanor battery and participating in an obscene performance at a live public show.

After being processed and arraigned for a future court date, the club has agreed to halt the practice of spanking, much to the chagrin of the local trucking companies.

While uncorroborated, this is probably the first time a trucker has ever complained about being mishandled by professionally naked women and, quite frankly - in this reporters opinion, Mr. Lowry has given a bad name to truckers everywhere. Tsk. For shame, Mr. Lowry.